Beauty and The Sabertooth on Broadway - Part 2 - "Astrid"/Astrid meets Dagger and Snotlout
(Astrid is revealed. As the Narrator finishes the Prologue, the sun begins to rise and we see the silhouette of a small town.) (A charming, provincial French village) *Astrid/Belle: Little town, it's a quiet village Ev'ry day like the one before Little town full of little people Waking up to say… (Villagers enter and begin to bustle about their daily business.) *Female Viking#1/Aristocratic Lady: Bonjour! *Male Viking#1/Fish Man: Bonjour! *Male Viking#2/Egg Man: Bonjour! *Female Viking#2/Sausage Curl Girl: Bonjour! *Lord Macintosh/Baker: Bonjour! (The Lord Macintosh carries a tray of rolls) *Astrid/Belle: There goes the baker with his tray, like always The same old bread and rolls to sell Ev'ry morning just the same Since the morning that we came To this poor provincial town *Lord Macintosh/Baker: Good Morning, Astrid. *Astrid/Belle: Good morning, Monsieur. *Lord Macintosh/Baker:And where are you off to, today? *Astrid/Belle: The bookshop. I just finished the most wonderful story About a beanstalk and an ogre and a - (But he’s not interested. He yells over his shoulder to his wife.) *Lord Macintosh/Baker: That's nice. Marie! The baguettes! Hurry up! (Astrid sighs…never mind. She continues on her way. Various townspeople talk about her as she passes.) *Female viking#3 and Female Viking#1/Aristocratic Lady and Lady With Cane: Look there she goes that girl is strange, no question Dazed and distracted, can't you tell? *Mother Viking and Female Viking#2/Lady With Baby and Sausage Curl Girl: Never part of any crowd *Male Viking#3 and Male Viking#1/Candle Man and Fish Man: Cause her head's up on some cloud *Some Vikings/Some Villagers: No denying she's a funny girl that Astrid *Human Shrek/Hat Seller: Bonjour! *Female Viking#2/Sausage Curl Girl: Good day! *Human Shrek/Hat Seller: How is your fam'ly? *Human Princess Fiona/Milkmaid: Bonjour! *Justin ( from Justin and the Knights of Valour)/Shepherd Boy: Good day! *Human Princess Fiona/Milkmaid: How is your wife? *Female viking#3/Lady With Cane: I need six eggs! *Female Viking#1/Aristocratic Lady: That's too expensive! *Astrid/Belle: There must be more than this provincial life! (Astrid walks to the Book Shop. A kindly Wizard turns around, pleased to see her.) *The Wizard (from Happily N'Ever After)/Bookseller: Ah, Astrid. *Astrid/Belle: Good morning, sir. I've come to return the book I borrowed. *The Wizard/Bookseller:Finished already? *Astrid/Belle: Oh, I couldn't put it down. Have you got anything new? *The Wizard/Bookseller: (He chuckles.) Not since yesterday. *Astrid/Belle: That's all right. I'll borrow . . . . this one. *The Wizard/Bookseller: That one? But you've read it twice. *Astrid/Belle: Well, it's my favorite. Far off places, daring swordfights, magic spells, a prince in disguise,... *The Wizard/Bookseller: If you like it all that much, it's yours. *Astrid/Belle: But sir. *The Wizard/Bookseller: I insist. *Astrid/Belle: Thank you. Thank you very much. (She exits and continues through town.) *Young MacGuffin, Young Macintosh and Wee Dingwall/3 Male Villagers: Look there she goes that girl is so peculiar I wonder if she's feeling well * All Female Vikings/All Female Villagers: With a dreamy, far-off look * All Male Vikings/All Male Villagers: And her nose stuck in a book * All Vikings/All Villagers: What a puzzle to the rest of us is Astrid (Astrid sits on a fountain, engrossed in her book.) *Astrid/Belle: Oh, isn't this amazing? It's my fav'rite part because --- you'll see Here's where she meets Prince Charming But she won't discover that it's him 'til chapter three! *Female Viking#1/Aristocratic Lady: Now it's no wonder that her name means "Beauty" Her looks have got no parallel *Human Shrek/Hatseller: But behind that fair facade I'm afraid she's rather odd *Male Viking#2/Eggman: Very diff'rent from the rest of us *More Vikings/More Villagers: She's nothing like the rest of us *All Vikings/All Villagers: Yes, diff'rent from the rest of us is Astrid! (We hear a loud gunshot. Lefou rushes onstage, holding a gunnysack open toward the sky…ready to catch the fallen prey.) *Snotlout/Lefou: I got it, Dagur. (duck drop) Aww. (A large duck drops onstage, missing the bag entirely. He quickly picks it up, drops it into the bag as Dagur enters. He carries a large smoking gun. Dagur is a very handsome, rude, narcissistic, egomaniacal hunter who is willing to go to any lengths to get what he wants. Snotlout is his dim-witted hanger-on.) *Snotlout/Lefou: Wow! You didn't miss a shot, Dagur! You're the greatest hunter in the whole world! *Dagur/Gaston: I know. *Snotlout/Lefou: No beast alive stands a chance against you. --- And no girl, for that matter. *Dagur/Gaston: It's true, Snotlout. And I've got my sights set on that one. *Snotlout/Lefou: The inventor's daughter? *Dagur/Gaston: She's the one - the lucky girl I'm going to marry. *Snotlout/Lefou: But she's - *Dagur/Gaston: The most beautiful girl in town. *Snotlout/Lefou: I know, but - *Dagur/Gaston: That makes her the best. (He grabs Snotlout in a beefy hand and pulls him up nose-to-nose.) And don't I deserve the best? *Snotlout/Lefou: Of course you do. (Dagur drops Snotlout and sings.) *Dagur/Gaston: Right from the moment when I met her, saw her I said she's gorgeous and I fell Here in town there's only she Who is beautiful as me So I'm making plans to woo and marry Astrid (He strides across the stage toward Astrid, crossing in front of three twittering Princesses. They swoon as he passes.) *Snow White, Cinderella, and Sleeping Beauty/Bimbettes: Look there he goes Isn't he dreamy? Monsieur Dagur Oh he's so cute! Be still my heart I'm hardly breathing He's such a tall, dark, strong and handsome brute! (The stage comes alive as villagers crowd through the marketplace.) *Mother Viking/Lady With Babies: Bonjour! *Dager/Gaston: Pardon *Astrid/Belle: Good day *Female viking#3/Lady With Cane: Mais oui! *Female Viking#1/Aristocratic Lady: You call this bacon? *Human Princess Fiona/Milkmaid: What lovely grapes! *Lord Macintosh/Baker: Some cheese… *Female viking#3/Lady With Cane: Ten yards! *Male Viking#1/Fish Man: One pound *Dager/Gaston: Scuse me! *Male Villagers: I'll get the knife *Dager/Gaston: Please let me through! *Mother Viking/Lady With Babies: This bread -'' *Female Viking#2/Sausage Curl Girl: ''Those fish -'' *Mother Viking/Lady With Babies: ''It's stale! *Female Viking#2/Sausage Curl Girl: They smell! *All Male Villagers: Madame's mistaken. *Female Villagers Male Villagers: Astrid/Belle: Well, maybe so Good morning! There must be more than this provincial life! *Vikings/All Villagers: Dager/Gaston: Just watch her, I'm going to make Astrid my wife! *All Villagers: Look there she goes The girl is strange but special A most peculiar mad'moiselle! *All Female Villagers: It's a pity and a sin *All Male Villagers: She doesn't quite fit in *All Villagers: Cause she really is a funny girl A beauty but a funny girl She really is a funny girl That Astrid! (Feeling their eyes on her, Astrid whirls around and the townsfolk quickly go back to their activities. The Villagers exit. Astrid heads for home. Dagur and Snotlout are close behind Astrid. Dagur runs around in front of her…striking a nonchalant pose.) *Dager/Gaston: Hello…Astrid. *Astrid/Belle: Bonjour, Dagur. (She keeps going, but he moves over to block her way.) * Astrid/Belle: Excuse me. (She goes around him…He snatches the book out of her hand.) *Astrid/Belle: Dagur. May I have my book, please? *Dager/Gaston: (flicking through it) How can you read this? There’s no pictures. *Astrid/Belle: Well, some people use their imagination. *Dager/Gaston: Astrid, it’s about time you got your head out of these books and paid attention to more important things. (He strikes a handsome pose.) *Snotlout/Lefou: Hint…hint. *Astrid/Belle: Like you? *Dager/Gaston: Exactly. The whole town’s talking about it. It’s not right for a woman to read. Soon she starts getting ideas and…thinking. *Astrid/Belle: Dagur, you are positively primeval. *Dager/Gaston: Why, thank you, Astrid. Whaddya say you and me take a walk over to the tavern and take a look at my trophies? *Astrid/Belle: What do you say…we don’t? *Dager/Gaston: Come on Astrid, I think I know how you feel about me. *Astrid/Belle: You can’t even imagine. (He grabs her again. She pulls his hands away.) *Astrid/Belle: Dagur, please. I have to get inside to help my father. (She turns around and heads for her cottage.) *Snotlout/Lefou: That crazy old fool. He needs all the help he can get. (Dagur and Snotlout laugh heartily.) *Astrid/Belle: Don’t talk about my father that way. *Dager/Gaston: Yeah. Don’t talk about her father that way. (Dagur THUNKS Snotlout on the head.) *Astrid/Belle: My father’s not crazy. He’s a genius. (There’s a cacophony of toots, bells and whistles as Astrid’s slightly addled genius inventor Teacher, Gobber, brings his colorful invention onstage. He waves merrily…and BOOM! Part of the invention blows up.) *Astrid/Belle: (Alarmed) Gobber. *Dager/Gaston: Some genius. *Snotlout/Lefou: What’s a genius? (Dagur THUNKS him again.) *Dager/Gaston: (He puts Snotlout out of earshot of Astrid and Gobber.) Now, Snotlout, I want you to go out into the woods and bring me back the biggest, healthiest deer you can find. *Snotlout/Lefou: Not the woods. Anything but the woods. You know I hate the woods. *Dager/Gaston: Just get me a deer for my wedding feast. *Snotlout/Lefou: But I hate the woods. It’s dark and spooky, and there’s bugs and spiders. (Dagur picks Snotlout up and take Snotlout into the woods to hunt a deer.) Category:Movies Spoofs Category:Beauty and the Beast On Broadway Spoofs Category:Beauty and the Beast On Broadway Movie Spoofs Category:Broadway Spoofs Category:Broadway Movie Spoofs Category:Disney Broadway